Living with a Community Mindset

Guys, you will LoVe Becky. She is the real deal. There is nothing coming out of this woman that is less than 1000%. She lives in the present and celebrates the little things like it’s going out of style. She is Momma to 4 kiddos, a compassionate IR nurse and wife to the mailman. She may look like the nice neighbor next door, but there is FIRE in her!

Becky’s pretty darn cool and not just because of the snow or serious adventuring with her first born

How did you decide you wanted to foster to adopt? (Were you and your hubby always on the same page?) Ryan and I always wanted a large family (we’re both 1 of 5 kids – he’s the oldest and I’m the youngest of our families) but pregnancies were HARD. We had a difficult time getting pregnant, and then with our oldest I was in bedrest from 18-34 weeks due to a subchorionic hemorrhage (bleeding behind the placenta which threatened the pregnancy). The second one I was also on bedrest for a complete placenta previa (the placenta was over my cervix) and then she developed heart problems and passed away in utero, her delivery was precarious and we were advised that I’d most likely die during delivery…niiiiiiiice. Did I mention she delivered our anniversary? Ha! We know how to do things! Our third was also bedrest from 10 -24 weeks and then we had a crash c-section during delivery at 37 weeks because I had a concealed abruption and Cy (our son) nearly bled out in utero. Our fourth pregnancy we miscarried at 10 weeks. All of this to say, I had a dysfunctional uterus, it was a miracle ANYTHING survived me gestating it, and after our pregnancies we knew we were DONE trying for bio kids. BUT we also knew we needed time to heal. So, after after a SEEK fast at Radiant Church, God brought adoption back to our hearts individually. We ended up talking about it, and it was amazing that God had laid adoption on both of our hearts during that same season. We considered foreign adoption, domestic adoption but NEVER infant adoption. (Ha! We were DONE with diapers!) After praying longer about it, we realized were being led to adopt from foster care. Honestly, that first info meeting about foster care, we were surprised. (I think we were the only ones in the room that didn’t know you received a monthly stipend to care for the kids you fostered! Like shocked!). We entered foster care intending to take in kiddos that needed a forever family, and the first two kids placed with us did become ours after a LONG year and a half.

How did you decide to foster/decide what ages and how many at a time? We wanted siblings that were younger than our oldest child (preserving birth order). So at the time that meant any sibling set of 1-3 kids, ages 4-9, boys or girls. We knew the older kids were harder to place and much harder to place together and we wanted to be able to keep siblings together.

How was the licensing process? How long did it take? What helped you during all the inspections/ paperwork? The licensing process for us was HORRIBLE! They lost our total volume of paperwork…like ALL of it… not once but TWICE! Ryan and I agree that we think they lost it a third time but then found it. We were so done with it all that I had taken forty days to pray about it, and then called the agency to tell them we were out. It was that phone call that changed everything and kept us “in the game”. It must have been a Holy Spirit led conversation on the other end because I found myself saying we’d stay in it to get licensed when I had been adamant that we would not continue the process before the phone call took place. I’m so glad we prayed. I’m so glad He moved!

How do your bio kids feel about fostering/adopting? (How do they help? What’s hard? Where do each of you shine?) Our bio kids…hmm. They’ve taken it well, but it’s been hard. A lot of sacrifice involved. I’m not sure how to explain what they’ve gone through other than it takes a lot of dying to yourself to make room for others to occupy your home and family and lives and not swing through all of the emotions. I think all four of them now just treat one another like siblings….it’s becoming blissfully normal…and I am thankful. Recently I took our new teenager on a surprise trip to Colorado for her birthday. She just needed that one on one time to be appreciated and loved on without the pressure of everyone and everything. I didn’t realized how much she’d need that until we were gone together. Intentionally. I’ve realized how intentional we’ve needed to be to make each kid feel seen and loved. We plan on more of that coming along.

And what no one tells you about foster care and adoption is how much it takes for a family to recover. It’s been a year and a half since we adopted, and we’re just now hitting our stride and coming up for air. Normalcy takes time. Healing from trauma (our adopted kids, our bio kids, our’s) it takes time. And when you invite trauma into your home, you ALL walk through it together, you all die a little together, and it’s hard. It’s beautiful. It’s good. But you feel like you’re drowning for awhile. Is it worth it? Absolutely. We wouldn’t change a thing. But is it hard? Harder than anything we could have conceived. But again, is it worth it? Always. A year and a half, and we feel like we’re just coming back to finding ourselves. It’s new, it’s better, it’s hard, but it’s good. AND it takes grace. Grace for ourselves, and grace from others.

Why yes, they are REAL children who make faces at the camera and don’t always get along. They’re true siblings.

How do you stay connected in your marriage and as a family? Praise be to JESUS we don’t need a babysitter anymore! Ryan and I have reinstated date night once a week and it has been a game changer! We need that time away together, and to reconnect. And the thing that helps us grow as a family, honestly, is going to church together, having dinner together and praying as a family. Psalm 126 seems to be the story of our family AND the cry of our hearts.

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
Psalm 126 : 1-6

Do you have a family photo to share? Well we have two! The first Gotcha Day photo is ours, and the second is from our kiddos Little sister’s Gotcha Day. So our story takes an odd turn in that there are three kiddos from the sibling set, but Angel went into foster care with another family. When we got the phone call about Genesis and Breanna we were told there were only two, but then a couple of days later we found out that there was a third. She was 7 months old when she went into foster care, and the caseworker said she could be ours too, if we wanted her. So we prayed about it and asked questions about the other family and how well bonded she was. We found out that Angel was doing well and THRIVING with them and that the other family had bonded with her also – it just didn’t set right with us to rip her out of their arms. God had a different story. And we love it! So instead of adopting her to keep her with her biological siblings, both of our families adopted each other! All four of my kids call Angel’s parents “Aunt” and “Uncle” and call the other kids their cousins (except for Angel who G and Bre obviously call their sister). Angel’s adoption day was also the day they got her baptized and they asked Ryan to be her Godfather. So, we all become one big family and see each other as much as we can. Talk about being grafted into one another! God is so incredible.

Ya’ll! I love how separate families in the same community can connect to make one big family, because it takes a village and sometimes even TWO villages to raise a child!! These kiddos have double the love, double the birthday presents and double the siblings because one family was willing to listen to God and hear HIS ideas for their story and not just what made sense or felt “right.” I’m so thankful for Becky so generously sharing all these pieces of her heart and her story. I love how God is using her story to inspire others and encourage us all to lean in and hear God speak!

Adoption, Fostering, Living with a Community Mindset, Raising Warriors

How to expand your family without going crazy (aka: receiving a child well)-For adoptive/foster families and their support systems!

March 26, 2021March 25, 2021 Megan

(Whether you’re a parent, an adoptive parent, a foster parent or you know of such crazy folks, please take the time to read this! It takes a village to raise a child and some kiddos just naturally require a bigger village. Please be the village for someone else!)

So you have a new kiddo on the way. Congrats! I’ve mentioned how difficult it is to make the HUGE decision to say yes or no to a phone call, so yay you! You’ve made one giant leap of faith into the unknown- or if it’s not your first rodeo: the slightly known with millions of variables!

If you are fostering, you most likely have minutes to prepare. If you’re lucky, you have a few hours to wrap your mind (& household!) around the transitions that are about to take place. If you’re adopting, you may have years to anticipate yet it still seems to catch you by surprise that the time is now. I’ve felt the eagerness to meet and love and protect a sweet soul while at the same time fearing my own limits and inability to “do it all.”

Friends, I’d like to propose to you that YOU CAN ASK FOR HELP. And here’s how!

How many people have told you “Let me know if there’s anything I can do”?? And you respond with a blank stare thinking “I’m not even sure I know what to do, but if I ever have the capacity to multitask AND delegate, I’ll let you know!” Well, here’s a few options for you to respond with:

1. “We eat food. Can you make food? Fine, can you order food?”
Now, I know you can do this yourself, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO! No matter who comes into your family (age, number, gender, length of stay) you & your family will still need to eat. This is one big thing off your to-do list when you have no idea what each day or moment will look like. Ask a friend to make a meal-train, let your mom/grandma/neighbor bring freezer meals, suggest that anyone- no EVERYONE- could order you take-out.

2. “Can I have your ID and Social Security Number?”
Are these kind folks free of a criminal background? Do they truly care about you and your kiddos? Every parent/couple needs a break once in a while – a moment to get away and take deep breaths or just to take another kid somewhere without siblings. Jump on the fact that this person just offered their help, send in some quick paperwork to the caseworker and TAKE ADVANTAGE of an extra set of hands… even if you’re not tired…yet. No doubt they would love to sit in your house during naptime and let you walk (or run!) around the block. Or perhaps you could drop your chilins’ off for an hour or two of grocery shopping WITHOUT HELP! If your placement is too old for a babysitter, a sort of mentor-ship or “godparent” relationship could be in order. They could spend time cooking or playing a sport or learning a trade together. I’m not above asking a friend to take my bio kids on a one-on-one date so they can refill their buckets, too. What if you even let a friend hang at your place for dinner & a movie with the fam and you stole a date night with the hubs!? *Gasp!* Put these kind folks on your respite caregivers list and refill your bucket before you reach dire straights.

3. “My stockpile is dwindling”
Foster or expecting parents often have the any-minute-a-kid-could-come-and-I-want-to-be-ready stash. At the last minute, you know the age & gender & hopefully most of the needs of your kiddo, but generally speaking I can always use a refill of toothbrushes, shampoo, Tylenol, water bottles/sippy cups, soft blankets, pre-packaged snacks, and miscellaneous clothes & shoes. These are tiny comforts I want to offer a child as a introductory peace-offering of sorts. If a kid can find some small sense of security just from having their own necessities right away, I want to bring it! Don’t hesitate to ask for these trivial purchases or more specific items if you can. I bet a friend wouldn’t think twice of grabbing a few extras next time they’re out and it will save you a midnight run!

4. “My family needs two of me, think you could be a clone?” or quite possibly: “Don’t leave me alone!”
There are plenty of days any parent feels isolated and half-crazed from overwhelming tasks and limited hours in the day. “Why do all of my kids need to talk all day and then still want stories at bedtime?” All the while the toilet is plugged and the sink is overflowing and by the way, “Kids, we’re having Pajama Day tomorrow since 2/3’s of you don’t have any clothes left.” (Let’s not even question why my darling boy hasn’t run out of underwear yet… or EVER.) How about some community in this moment!? How much could it hurt to have a friend wash dishes WITH you and then fold laundry. And what if we cooked dinner together or even ate together in the midst of our crazy? Honestly, the odds are that this friend wants to love you well but is feeling their own version of “half-baked” at the same time. Let’s DO life together!!

5. “I need encouragement.”
This may be the hardest one! Who wants to admit that they can’t do it all? It’s so hard to confess to someone that you may want to quit loving because it hurts or that you can’t face one more tantrum and come out the winner. PLEASE use this response with A FEW (more than one!) trusted friends/family members! You need someone who will see you crying in the back row at church and deliver a Venti Latte with a hug the next day! You need someone who will send a love note via snail mail that gets lost and finally arrives on JUST the day you need a pick-me-up. WE ALL need calls and texts saying we are being prayed over and believed in without prompting. We need to know our arms are being lifted when we can’t hold them up a moment longer.

Soooooo… You’re probably thinking of someone who’s asked this exact question recently. Go back and get them. Let them help! Really & truly. You’re allowing them the blessing of being a part of something miraculous and fulfilling in a way they maybe never would have been able to. Not everyone is able to welcome a precious child into their family right now but everyone IS called to love the orphan and the widow in their own way (James 1:27).

HOPE, Living with a Community Mindset

Climbing out of a Season of Exhaustion

March 12, 2021April 6, 2022 Megan

I’m so thankful to be coming out of “hiding” and seeing my people again! It has meant the world to me to have a few coffee dates, a few longer phone conversations and even a night out with my guuuurls. I have seriously missed the deeper connection that comes with quality time and I am declaring that that will change in this next season of my life! I am fully prepared to invite my whole village over one dinner / coffee date / playdate at a time. And I will not stop.

Coffee or Tea, makes no difference to me!

As I am blessed to spend time connecting, I’ve noticed a theme in conversation. Not only are we all so thankful just to be out of the house for a moment and in the presence of those who love and support us, I’m afraid we are still bearing the repercussions of a year of Corona, and we are not alone. If I were to think of one word that describes the majority of my friends’ outlooks at this moment in time I would say exhaustion is the word this season. We are coming out of an extremely long and arduous year of quarantine. Each of us has faced slightly different challenges but as a whole we are facing this beast of isolation and over-arching expectations upon us. And we are burnt out. I have heard over and over again that we have no more to give. We are done. We simply cannot adult another day / time / minute.

My heart hurts because I love each of you. I know you are so capable. You have done incredible things with your time and efforts these past 12 months. Your energy, love, and words are not wasted. Yet, we’ve run out of our own “muchness” because we cannot seem to refill the buckets that are constantly being emptied.

I completely understand this state of mind. Several times throughout the past year I have come to the same conclusion. Honestly though, Corona doesn’t feel any more exhausting to me than foster care or adoption or overwhelming seasons of over-committing or over-exerting. “Fortunately” for me I have hit this same wall before… and not just once. I have come to know what the symptoms of “too much life” are and can recognize them from a mile away. I even have a plan for myself to avoid the pitfalls of “too much-ness” and with a little accountability I can put my plan in place at any stage of going crazy and find my way back to my true self before falling off the cliffs of insanity. Today, I want to help you do the same.

When I had my first newborn, was one year into starting up my own business and was overcommitted at church I had a counselor who recommended a self-care routine. (Boy, did I need it!) They introduced the genius idea of finding things that refresh me and intentionally doing those things. Whoa. The goal was that if I got depleted I would know how I needed to refill and also keep the plan in place to hopefully prevent myself from coming back to emptiness again.

Let’s pause here and insert some biblical wisdom: I truly believe that Jesus is the only source of true refreshment. Without Him, any self-help is only that: “the blind self leading the blind self,” so to speak. We are not much help to ourselves or anyone else if we are only helping ourselves from a place of our own brokenness. I’m going to be bold enough to say that your “inner man” does not have the answers. Only the Creator of heaven and earth, the Creator of Y-O-U, holds those answers. It takes one simple prayer to start this relationship: “Jesus I need you. You are the source of refreshing and eternal life, and I am not. Please meet me here.” He will answer you, I promise. He gave his life out of love for you, on the cross so that death and despair could be defeated. Jesus alone holds the keys to freedom for each one of us.

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and the saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
Ephesians 2:8 (The Message Version)

Also, some of us need actual counseling. There is no shame in that. It often takes a wiser or even professional point of view to speak life into a truly dark place. There are so many great counseling options available both locally and virtually, please seek help from others if you need it!

Ok, I know I have shared these ideas with many of you before but I want to lay this out in a very simple manner so that we all actually create a self-care plan for ourselves and follow through. We can climb out of this exhaustion with Jesus and each other and take better care in the future.

Step 1: Buy a pretty journal. All good plans need to be visually pleasing, have a blank starting point and have potential to be continued and expanded.

A collection of my pretty journals from the past decade- I’m seeing a theme in color selection…

Step 2 : Find your fun pens…You know, the ones you’ve tried to hide from the kids / dog / spouse so they don’t get all used up! Crazy, I know, but I write better lists when it feels nice to put pen to paper and then I actually use my list when it looks pretty. This is all about you, so bring out a little aesthetic, it’s ok.

(Note: You can actually do steps 3-5 in any order, start wherever you feel most inspired to get the juices flowing!)

Step 3 : Write a list of THINGS that inspire you. Do you love to dance? Does certain music make you feel alive? Does coloring or painting put you in a restful state? Is Coffee your comfort object? Do Pandas make you swoon? Write these beauties down! No order necessary, don’t prioritize them, just write them out! I would start with 5 things. Remember we made this list with the intention of growing it- you’ve got a whole glorious notebook.

Step 4 : Write a list of PEOPLE who refill you. I’m not talking about the people you see the most or the ones who are always available to hang at a moment’s notice. (And it’s ok not to list your immediate family. While we all love our families, usually we need to get away from them to refresh our perspective and return to them with our best offerings.) This list is meant to REFILL you. Who sees your heart behind everything you do? Who speaks life or truth when you most need it. Whose presence do you leave feeling more alive than when you entered? Who knows the real you? These are your dearest people.

Step 5 : Write a list of places that make you feel like your best self. Think of places near and far. What view do you love more than anything? Where haven’t you gone that’s on your bucket list? What building inspires you? Write down the places with the best atmosphere- the sweetest sounds and greatest smells…maybe the places with the best memories.

Step 6 : Grab your calendar (and maybe a pencil). Now create a plan that includes these people, places and things at least once every WEEK, MONTH and then YEAR (maybe even every quarter?) We’re penciling it in, don’t worry. Once you talk it over with your spouse and call your village of amazing women to make plans, then we can make it official in pretty colors, but for now we’ll start off with minimal commitment.

Make those lists worth looking at over again and again!

Step 6 may feel overwhelming to you, but look at these three *lovely* little lists. They include the very best things in your life. Let’s make them a regular occurrence! What can you do each week to refill your bucket? A phone call with one of your refilling people? A dance party with your kids? Eating a meal that you didn’t have to cook or clean up after? Write it in every Friday at 5:00 and MAKE IT HAPPEN. What’s a bigger thing that you can add in but not quite so often? A trip to the beach? A worship night? Breakfast in the big city (without children)? Talk with your support system to reserve the first Saturday of the month for Y-O-U. What is something you can do every year just for your own sanity? For me this always includes travel of some sort. I find that I need to get away. I love to adventure with my family and we all need a new view so we make sure to get a family vacay in regularly. I ALSO need to get away without the fam, if you know what I mean… Call your friend in another state and book some plane tickets to go see her for a whole weekend uninterrupted. Open up that AirBNB tab on your browser and find a comfy loft somewhere. Girl, reserve it for some alone time, no matter what excuses creep in. Make it as fancy or simple as you need to, but MAKE THE PLAN.

Let’s not forget that once you have Jesus and then make these lists, you have everything you need to find refreshment. When you realize you’re hiding in the closet for the 3rd time this week to empty the Nutella jar yet again, call one of your people. An hour on the phone with a truth-teller or compassionate ear may just clarify your view of what’s really going on.

Have you found yourself in conflict with that one hard-headed kiddo for the umpteenth time and you just want to scream? Go to your refreshing place. You know where it is and I am sure someone on your list can help you make it happen if you need a babysitter / sounding board / getaway car.

You have been equipped. Hopefully you’ve also been inspired. Show me your pretty journals and lovely lists. Let me know what plans you’ve made. Comment below and let us hold each other accountable on following through. Let’s celebrate our own incredible villages and pat each other on the back for being intentional!

Living with a Community Mindset

Time to Grow!

July 22, 2019 Megan

So I was telling God the other day how I’m done writing. It takes effort. I’m tired. I have other things to do. The excuses go on. Then I felt a little nudge and the thought came that I’ve really put myself in a box here on Love For All To See. I’m here ranting about the big ideas in my head and asking God for intensive thoughts to share but truly what I like to talk about is the little things I chat about over coffee with a friend. I like to share what’s going on right now in my brain/life/family. I like to be a little too honest and I like to share a little more than you’re interested in hearing. And I like a little bit of everything!

I also like to do more than sit on a soapbox and perhaps that’s what I’ve done too much of. Perhaps that’s why this is beginning feel like work? Perhaps that’s why I only write seasonally? I have time for thoughts and depth in the winter when things are still and quiet but when summer is here, I hit the ground running full speed ahead, eyes wide open, embracing the things that make me feel alive! In the summer I’m much more interested in road trips, kids’ experiments, new recipes, quirky farmer’s market produce, attempting to go zero waste and making everything from scratch.

So here’s the deal: I’ll keep on writing if you don’t mind a little bit more. I’m hoping to share some recent vacay photos and maps, add in a few of my fave recipes and share some ways I’m attempting to save the planet – ya’ll knew I was kind of a hippie, right!?

In return, I’d like to ask a favor: Please respond! Blogging isn’t nearly as fun if it’s for my own sake. I REALLY appreciate all the shares and likes – keep ’em coming! And you can comment too! It’s like our daily conversation. I want to know what you like and what you want to hear more of. I also want ya’ll to get to know each other. It’s fun when you share your own thoughts and experiences on here with me and our other readers. Lastly, please subscribe/sign up for the email list. This is my way of letting you know about new posts and any future changes/ideas coming to the site. I promise not to hound you with junk!

Thanks for your extra grace, friends. I’m excited to see how we’ll all grow together in the next few months!

Adoption, Living with a Community Mindset, Raising Warriors

Every girl needs her momma… or two… or three

May 10, 2019July 3, 2019 Megan

My sweet Makenna is growing up. (Insert ugly-cry-mixed-with-celebration-and-awe here.) She’s on the brink of those tween/teen years and all the hormones and decisions that go with it. I think she’s maybe a little excited and a little scared but so am I! It takes guts to become a teenager. It takes even more guts to parent a teenager.

But it makes think “What did I need as a girl-growing-up? Isn’t middle school really the point in all of our lives when we begin to wonder who we are and who we want to become? And isn’t that when we flounder? or experiment? or do REALLY strange things that no one in their right mind would actually ever do, but we’re just running on emotion and FEELING and the world tells us that that’s what we should base our decisions on? {I know I did.} So how do I help my girls lead a different story?” These are my wonderings.

And then there’s this beautiful TRUTH from Shauna Niequist:

(I don’t even know if this is legal, but READ IT!)
Thanks for sharing, Shauna!

This is something akin to adopting family members, but kind of the opposite. This is being adopted by others… and adopting them as well, I suppose. We all need a few voices to speak over us and show us how it’s done. Our kids need to see different forms of truthful living for when hormones hit and MOM IS ALWAYS WRONG.

I am truly blessed when it comes to moms, because my own mom & mother-in-law love Jesus and love me and are a beautiful and consistent part of our family’s lives. I make a point to invite them into our daily lives and to pour into my kids and I because they have SO MUCH wisdom to share! Still, I came to a place about two years ago where I realized I was facing things my own moms had not faced and I needed wisdom and experience specific to the trial I was facing. God graciously sent me the gentlest Air B&B Host who shared her house and heart and Jesus in all the right ways to restore my faith and breath new life into my burdened heart.

{God literally blew fresh wind into my sails by surrounding me with “Momma Bev” AND these glorious windmills along the NW Michigan lakeshore. I could watch them spin for hours.}

In that season, I realized how glorious it is to have more than one Momma, so I came home and sought out more! I knew so many beautiful women who exemplified traits that I desired – women who were changing the world in some lovely way that was unique to them. And I asked them to “adopt” me! I asked for their prayers and their time (to meet somewhat regularly) and their covering over my life. THEN I did it for my daughters! I want to have women of faith and joy in place to speak to my girls WITH me and repeat the truths they need to hear. I want them to see Jesus from all sides and how He changes us all in different ways.

So here are your takeaways:

Pursue the women in your life who are living out an image of who you want to become. Ask them to meet for coffee. Ask them for prayer! Make them a consistent part of your life.
The women in your life who are already blowing fresh wind in your sails? Send them a thank you. They have lives too, but it’s so much more rewarding to share ❤
Seek out women to pray/speak with you over your daughters. Maybe they’re the same women as the above #1, Maybe they’re different. I have one “Momma” for my girl who asked me to be her mentor/prayer covering years ago! Now she gets to repay the favor.

Family is just another word for living in REAL community. It’s all the same.
We’re sharing family, sharing homes, sharing dinner tables, sharing faith.

Who’s a Momma in your life that you’d like to send a shout out??

Hearing from God, HOPE, Living with a Community Mindset, Uncategorized

Powerful Prayer Part 4 ~ What To Do When Doubt Creeps In

April 13, 2019April 19, 2019 Megan

Well now that you’re becoming a crazy prayer WARRIOR, you’ll undoubtedly join the ranks of those who’s faith has fallen and risen again and fallen and risen again. The truth of the matter is: The more you pray, the more likely you are to see miracles (yay!!) and the more likely you are to have questions, fears and doubt.

I love this quote from Shauna Niequist’s Savor:

“The question is not, will my life be easy or will my heart break? But rather, when my heart breaks, will I choose to grow?”

We all have our moments of doubt. We start to think that maybe God doesn’t want to answer our prayer, or maybe He just won’t. Maybe it’s Him, maybe it’s us, but for some unknown and invisible reason, the answer is no. Honestly, the bigger your faith is, the bigger your questions will become – which is good! With questioning, and voicing our fears, comes a strengthening of our beliefs as we seek the word of God and our faith community for the answers. This actually deepens our resolve in what we believe and why – instead of just taking it at face value.

Buuuuuuut, what do we often do when faced with dissappointment, fear or doubt? We have a little temper tantrum. Yep, so often when I see my youngest lay herself down on the floor for a good scream or stamp that little foot and scrunch up her face into a pout, I think: I bet that’s what I look like when I hear “no” from God, haha!

So as I tell Miss Mya so often “Please, just use your words to tell me how you feel!” And I put on my big girl britches and “choose to grow”. I tell God my doubt and fear. Sometimes this process takes me days. The worries or anger oozes out of me from so many unknown places I never realized it had been building up so much! Sometimes it’s one good cry or shouting session and I can feel the release of my angst and put words to my fear to see it’s only that: fear. There’s no truth in it at all!

OK, but what if your fear and doubt is beyond words? What if those lies have run so deep that they’re mixed up with truth and experience and perhaps even trauma (eek!) and you have nowhere to begin and no way to start? What if you feel hopeless about a thing you hold so dear and it hurts to talk about it – even to God? What if you’re scared or lost or broken or fragile? I think we may all have such an area or season in our hearts if we are truly being honest. You are not the first, nor the last to enter this place.

This is where I have found 3 things to be helpful. (Hint: they all start with my own humility!) Essentially, I admit that I have nothing- not even the words to express my heart. I alone have no power to bring change to the world or my situation and I honestly cannot even change my beliefs. If you are still in the struggle and haven’t reached the bottom yet, this is a difficult thing! If you’re already at ground zero, it somehow seems a little easier. So, on to three things:

#1 : The Fake-It-‘Till-You-Make-It Approach

Maybe it’s not even faking anything, but just pressing forward in the direction you want to go whether you feel it or not! I surround myself with truth. I want to move toward faith so I listen to speakers of faith. I spend time with people who have big faith! I post scripture on every surface of my room/house/car/office and read or listen to TRUTH on auto-pilot until some of the thoughts I’ve chosen to “fake” become my own. (Does this qualify as self-brainwashing? If so, it works!)

#2 : Praying Scripture/Praying in the Spirit.

When I have no words, I have nothing to pray. I admit, I don’t have the answers or the solution and I get to a point where I don’t even know what I’m asking for anymore. This is where the Bible says “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27) These groanings of the Spirit can be so many things. Sometimes my creative side comes through and I can paint, draw or even dance. Sometimes praying in tongues is a way to allow the spirit to do the talking and my heart finds peace. Another way is to play some soaking music and allow the Lord to speak as you rest in His presence. Just allow yourself to be.

Praying scripture is the most powerful way to fight the enemy. There is nothing stronger (especially when I have no words) than the very word of God! Our pastor just gave an incredible sermon referencing this very thing and it might just be the truth you need to fake-till-you-can-make-it! Another great resource for Praying Scripture is Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word. Her book is an incredible list of scriptures organized by topic. If you want to pray for your marriage/anxiety/co-worker, she’s got God’s word ready for you to search and speak. I encourage you to seek the scripture and find a verse, story, or chapter that speaks to where you are right now and pray that! Our pastor gave Psalm 32 and 51 as launching points for prayer and it’s a great place to start.

#3 : Worship & Thankfulness

Worship while we’re waiting, of course! Worship fills my mind and the atmosphere around me with hope even when I’m not feeling it. It’s true that silence can be healing as well, but perhaps a balance of both is what you need?

Thankfulness is a practice of positivity. If I’ve been focusing on the negative, just naming three things I’m thankful for will switch my brain and change the focus from “Woe is me” to “Whoa, I’m blessed!” There is loads of actual research supporting this, but I’m sure you’ve heard it. Play the “Glad Game” you Pollyanna fans!

Now I have a choice, I’ve unloaded on God. (I often view it as a spew or vomit, but perhaps you’d prefer to see it as leaving baggage or burdens at the feet of a wise and capable King.) I’ve surrounded myself with what I WANT to believe and chosen to look for the good. So what next? I can leave His presence and I am truly better for the time I’ve spent. I feel lighter and less overcome already. OR I can stay there. I can choose to let Him speak truth over me. I can listen for the refreshing truth that replaces those ugly burdens. This practice can change the way my brain works to renounce those lies in the FUTURE too! I want to prevent myself from coming back to this place of doubt and despair.

Hebrews 6:19-20 The Message (MSG)

“We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us…”

No matter which avenue you choose, (one or all three!) just keep moving forward. Do what needs to be done so that you are choosing to GROW. As long as we trust God and HIS plan, we will come out as victors- no matter how long it takes to get there and how much “faking” it takes to finally believe.

So what are you trusting God for? What fight are you holding out hope for? What brings you back from a place of doubt? Please share so we can all stand together in faith and even benefit from other’s great ideas!!

Adoption, Living with a Community Mindset

How to obtain more extended family (the good kind!)

February 8, 2019February 8, 2019 Megan

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a big family.

My mom always wanted a big family too.

I remember her once mentioning more siblings to me and I turned the tables on her with pros and cons charts and my 7 year old powers of persuasion. Poor Mom, she never knew what hit her! I think it was the time I blew out HER candles on HER birthday cake to wish for a baby sister that she realized she had a true problem on her hands!

I’ll admit that my Mom did… and now, even I have… purchased a dog to sway the kiddos and “buy” more time without another sibling. ***Let me tell you THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER.

So if traditionally growing your family is not the right option for you at this time: the good news is that, of course, children can be adopted. (I have traversed this terrain and intend on doing it again despite my better sense of judgment some days.)

But DID YOU KNOW!? Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents can be adopted too!

There are many ways to go about this venture and honestly, I would HIGHLY recommend it even before adopting a child. For this I have several reasons: #1 Less paperwork… Ok none. And the government doesn’t even need to know! #2 It’s way easier considering that anyone over 18 probably doesn’t need help potty-training or sleeping through the night. Aaaaaaand bonus #3 If you adopt adults into your family first, then you have them to help out with future adoptees. Many hands make light(er) work! Win-Win!

So how does one go about finding these lovely folks and adopting them into your family? Allow me to tell you. (We have several honorary family members. We love them so fiercely, they could never get away even if they tried! (Mwa-ha-ha!))

Step 1: Notice those around you. Is there a co-worker with no holiday plans? A college student who’s family is all out of town? Empty-nesters in your small group? A friendly-looking Grandparent sitting one table over at your favorite cafe? Meet and greet those strangers, then invite them over or out for dinner. (Ok stranger danger, yes, just use your good judgement, geesh!)

Step 2: Set up a recurring time to spend together. Most likely these adopted family members will be reserved at first. Weekly family dinners or monthly movies nights will break down walls and open up conversation. Frequency is key. When you find something in common, jump on it and make it a new tradition. (Overwhelming them with love is a good thing!)

Step 3: Include your “new members” in family events and/or projects. Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger. Birthday parties and Easter dinner are simply the best for those with out-of-town family or no current traditions of their own. Is this person handy? Plan a fun hands-on project with them. (We highly recommend building a deck. You never know when your newfound uncle will draw up legit blueprints for you WITH an itemized list of materials!)

The amazing”Uncle B” may have been a HUGE part of building our deck, but he also just happened to be hanging out at the house the day Mya was dropped off in a rush. He voluntarily held her fussy little self while we figured out the logistics (aka ran out to find diapers and a crib!) and to this day he is her very favorite person!

I am a better person because of the people I have invited into my life. These family members love our family, mess and all. They listen like the sister I never had, celebrate milestones I can’t even see or measure and they mom-hug me when my mom is out of town. I need these people. Just yesterday I got a box of fluffy, sweet cinnamon rolls from an empty-nest momma who knew I’d had a hard week!

We Schuiteboers have “adopted” many and we seriously love our peeps! Our extended family keeps growing but so does our immediate family, so we need more people who have our backs and keep our best interest at heart just like we do theirs. Many are the folks who need to see and feel love on this planet. Not just any old greeting, but the up-close & personal love that only a family can give. We do life together and it’s so much sweeter this way!

*Why yes, we have even “adopted” a friend’s dog as our own periodically. (Pre-Buddy of course!)*

HOPE, Living with a Community Mindset

Moses’ kind of friendship [& Makenna’s Story]

January 28, 2019January 28, 2019 Megan

So I have a theory on what real friendship looks like.

Deep, intimate, “closer than a brother” friendship.

This idea began as I studied the life of Moses. He was an impressive guy, of course. His life was miraculously preserved by his sister and a waterproof basket. He led the entire country of Israel to freedom from a hard-hearted Pharaoh. He was also entirely responsible for the country of Israel during their 40 year wanderings in the desert. He was a friend of God.

One little piece of Moses’ story jumped out to me this time as I read Exodus 17. Israel had been wandering for a good long time in the desert and they were getting picked on. An uneven battle began with a much larger country and Israel was at a serious disadvantage. But don’t worry, God was looking out for His people. God told Moses to stand on a hill and raise his staff. As long as Moses held the staff up high, the Israelites would win the battle. If the staff lowered, they would lose.

Well, that’s a lot of pressure on a guy, if you can imagine…

Moses’ brother Aaron went up the hill with Moses as did another man named Hur. The three of them watched the battle from above- no doubt interceding in prayer before the Lord on behalf of the army fighting below. And Moses raised his arms and had to keep them there. The Bible doesn’t say what time the battle started but it does say that it continued until sunset.

I bet Moses had some weary arms! But how could he give up? His arms had to stay lifted if he wanted his friends to live- if he wanted the nation to stay alive and his family to make it another day! He sat down on a rock. I’m sure that helped but the old arms can only take so much.

Enter: TRUE FRIENDSHIP!

Moses’ brother Aaron and this guy Hur actually held up Moses’ arms. They did the heavy lifting when Moses had nada for strength.

How amazing is a true friend when you are in despair!? Friends stand in the gap for friends. They step in where there is a missing piece. Friends bring strength when muscle [aka: faith!] has weakened.

I had such a moment once. My sweet Makenna was born with Celiac disease. She was diagnosed when she was barely one year old. (It is extremely rare for this genetic disease to show up so early!) She was “failing to thrive” as the Dr’s put it and we were both a wreck. The diagnosis helped immensely in our everyday life. We knew the threat was gluten in every form and even the tiniest amount would put her in pain for days. With lots of effort we could keep her healthy but for such a young, fragile little lady it meant we had to isolate ourselves. Going anywhere that might be “contaminated” posed a huge risk to her life. Knowing her tiny insides were being torn apart from the gluten made it all worse. If exposure to gluten continued she would have severe complications in her future.

Boy, did we pray! Collin and I laid hands on her sick little body every night believing the Lord could heal her. We spent every moment speaking, praying and holding to the truth that our girl would live a long and “normal” life, God-willing. But you know what? Weariness set in. We were tired ourselves from sleepless nights and a screaming toddler. Years into this journey, we saw little improvement and our hope was dwindling…

Until a friend at church stopped me and said “I’m still praying for complete healing.” I kind of wanted to laugh. I suppose I was becoming a skeptic, but my heart was so empty of belief. Then I got an email from another friend “I think God is at work. She WILL be healed. I haven’t given up.”

These warrior women were holding up my arms and watching the battle be won.

I’m not going to lie, I could only halfheartedly continue to pray that God would answer. That’s when I felt a whisper from God.

“She’s already healed.”

Collin is the brave one who stepped out in faith to “check” Makenna’s healing. He bought us a “gluten pizza”, brought it home and cooked it in my (sterilized!!) oven. I prepped our sweet girl with all the faith I could muster “You don’t have to eat it just because Daddy’s cooking it. If you want Gluten-free pizza, we have that too.” (How little faith I had!)

And she ate it. (SHE had faith!) She didn’t get sick. And she’s eaten gluten ever since with no side effects! We have seen several doctors since who all cannot explain the change in her blood test and who all affirm her health from head to toe. She is a walking – no, she’s a DANCING- miracle!

I am so thankful for my “Aaron and Hur” friends who held up my hands and my faith until the battle was won! The bible says “[Moses’] hands remained steady until sunset.” Wow! Until the very end, the three men held up those hands together in faith and assurance that God would win the battle. And He did.

Megan & Makenna-439 — My little lady all healed up at 3 1/2 years old!

So friends, I want to challenge you in your friendships. Whether you feel like a Moses or an Aaron/Hur. Openness about our struggles is required. Faith is required. Community is required. Our faith is stronger together. Let’s raise our hands together. Let’s stand in faith for one another. And let’s believe in miracles!

{Photo Cred: Nicole Marie Foster}

Can I add a little bonus thought?? I know this is already a long post, but I also want to add a plug for laying hands on our kiddos. My Makenna was prayed over at every prayer meeting and touched with anointing oil by our church family for YEARS and it was not wasted. Not only was she eventually healed (Yay miracle!) but she has always had the most sincere and deep devotion to Jesus. At 9 years old now, she can pray like a warrior and her wisdom is unmatched. I think those prayers have done more for her than I could ever imagine. What if we laid hands on all our kids whether we thought they “needed” it or not!? What if we dragged allll of our kids to prayer meetings and had our friends pray with us over them before bed? Just an honest thought… I’m going to try it out with the rest of my kiddos just in case. If I stop you and ask for prayer, it’s {probably} not a crisis, just an experiment of faith. Let’s lay our hands on the future generation and expect miracles AND warriors to come forth! We’re in this together.

HOPE, Living with a Community Mindset

I’m Really Just A Chicken

January 11, 2019January 11, 2019 Megan

Love For All To See…

Do I really want everyone to see?

Sometimes my life feels inside out. My heart and my feelings and all the tender things are all visible and exposed while they *should* be kept safe on the inside… Right?

I often feel like everyone can see me and I’m afraid. I am so afraid of what everyone thinks & sees and thinks about what they see! I spend too much time considering others when making decisions for myself. And not at all the kind of consideration I want to give them.

So I’ve lost my voice. Instead of speaking out, I overthink and instead of putting myself out there, I hold back. I’m hiding just like the chicken that I am.

That’s why I love ducks. They quack loud and proud when they see something moving. “Oh look! A friend! Come feed us your apple cores! Talk pretty to me!” (It’s not such a great idea when there’s a predator, but those ducks are happy and shaking their fat tail feathers anyway. They have such confidence!)

Perhaps we were meant to be ducks all along. God says we will meet resistance and disapproval. (People will choose fluffier, more trainable pets after all.) He promises hardships. He says point blank we will not be “normal”. So why do I still try to assimilate!? Why am I not loud and proud to speak truth and bare the inner me that I’m trying to keep safe?

So here’s my truth for today: (and my apologies, but I have no idea where I first heard it!)

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does!

And now I will commence to post all those blog posts I’ve written over the past year(s) but never posted due to my own fear and over-editing.

Adoption, Fostering, Living with a Community Mindset

How many kids do you have?

March 29, 2018March 29, 2018 Megan

You guys! I recently joined a bible study and it brought so much refreshing to my soul! I am so honored to study the word of God with women who are HUNGRY. And I mean, these girls just won’t quit. They do not choose light-hearted, easy, breezy studies, let me tell you. (There is no time to fall behind on journaling & homework either!) God spoke it and these girls will study it.

It. Is. Awesome.

I can now say that these women are dear and wise and some seriously amazing cheerleaders, but on my first day? Not so much.

I sat down at the table after a scrumptious [hot] breakfast where we were divided into small-ish groups, yet as the introductions traveled around the table I grew so anxious I was shaking and in tears when all eyes turned to me. What was I supposed to say? I was already dreading THE QUESTION. The leader prompted: “You don’t have to say much, maybe just tell us something about yourself? Do you have kids?”

That did it.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t use an ounce of restraint when I choked out “I don’t like that question!”

See, it’s complicated. Of course, there are 5 Schuiteboers who live at our address (for now). Each of us has friends who come to play or eat or sleep. (Yay for an open door community!) Then there’s fostering… Just fostering alone changes this number on a daily/monthly basis. The number of those who live with me changes and the number of how may are carried in my heart changes too.

Then there’s last summer… yup, as I entered this unsuspecting group of Jesus-chasers I had just barely survived a crazy season as a mom of 7. I loved it. I love them. Each kid was so beautifully brought to this house and this season of our lives. God’s promises were all over each one of them and He was doing such a good work! (I can say that now since I’ve had months of space & plenty of therapy to recuperate and heal.) Crazy enough, at the end of the summer I was down to only 3 kids to tuck in at night and I felt the void. I loved the now-missing kids and they will truly never leave my heart. They will be mine forever.

Then there is the mostly-adopted-but-not-present Elisee whose paperwork has seen no progress in a full year and sweet Chelsey who is growing up and moved out on her own for the first time. I’m just saying… I get to claim these two even when my “mothering” is mostly spent on my knees!

Seriously. I am undone.

So is my answer to this overwhelming question 3? How many kids I tuck in at night.

5? the number of kids who will *someday* be Schuiteboers and come home for Christmas.

9? The kids I have loved, smooched, and wiped away tears for when their own momma’s couldn’t. The ones I personally carry in my heart.

19? The number my girlfriends can amass at the nearest park on any given summer day, but also the number of kiddos I pray over, invest in and plan to talk to about all the things they don’t want to tell their own moms when hormones hit.

How about 143 million? The number of orphans out there whom I often pray for and cry over and desperately want to offer hope and security to- even if only for a moment.

Here’s the beautiful part: No matter how many kids I say I have, I actually have more than that. The kids that live in my house will always be my kids… ALWAYS… even when they leave someday (voluntarily or involuntarily). The kids in the foster care system- they’re all my kids. My friend’s kids- they’re mine too. The orphans around the world- they’re my kids. I am blessed with these kiddos to love, to pray over, to mourn for, and to lay at the feet of Jesus. This is KEY. Our children belong to Jesus. I’m just hanging with them a bit. I need to let go of the number and how it effects my identity as “a mom of ___”. Instead, I want to focus on loving each one well. Katie Davis from Amazima Ministries says:

“I have learned that I will not change the world. Jesus will do that. I can however, change the world for one person.”

Just one.. at a time… That’s all I can handle anyway. I want to truly invest in the one in front of me and love each one that passes through my arms & prayers well. I don’t need to claim anything to try to help the world understand this crazy way of living. I am the arms of Jesus and that’s enough identity for me.

And let’s be honest. When it comes down to it, I will actually claim a fake (higher) number in those moments I appear slightly crazed from having a “bunch” of kids!