asking for help – BREATHE

(Whether you’re a parent, an adoptive parent, a foster parent or you know of such crazy folks, please take the time to read this! It takes a village to raise a child and some kiddos just naturally require a bigger village. Please be the village for someone else!)

So you have a new kiddo on the way. Congrats! I’ve mentioned how difficult it is to make the HUGE decision to say yes or no to a phone call, so yay you! You’ve made one giant leap of faith into the unknown- or if it’s not your first rodeo: the slightly known with millions of variables!

If you are fostering, you most likely have minutes to prepare. If you’re lucky, you have a few hours to wrap your mind (& household!) around the transitions that are about to take place. If you’re adopting, you may have years to anticipate yet it still seems to catch you by surprise that the time is now. I’ve felt the eagerness to meet and love and protect a sweet soul while at the same time fearing my own limits and inability to “do it all.”

Friends, I’d like to propose to you that YOU CAN ASK FOR HELP. And here’s how!

How many people have told you “Let me know if there’s anything I can do”?? And you respond with a blank stare thinking “I’m not even sure I know what to do, but if I ever have the capacity to multitask AND delegate, I’ll let you know!” Well, here’s a few options for you to respond with:

1. “We eat food. Can you make food? Fine, can you order food?”
Now, I know you can do this yourself, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO! No matter who comes into your family (age, number, gender, length of stay) you & your family will still need to eat. This is one big thing off your to-do list when you have no idea what each day or moment will look like. Ask a friend to make a meal-train, let your mom/grandma/neighbor bring freezer meals, suggest that anyone- no EVERYONE- could order you take-out.

2. “Can I have your ID and Social Security Number?”
Are these kind folks free of a criminal background? Do they truly care about you and your kiddos? Every parent/couple needs a break once in a while – a moment to get away and take deep breaths or just to take another kid somewhere without siblings. Jump on the fact that this person just offered their help, send in some quick paperwork to the caseworker and TAKE ADVANTAGE of an extra set of hands… even if you’re not tired…yet. No doubt they would love to sit in your house during naptime and let you walk (or run!) around the block. Or perhaps you could drop your chilins’ off for an hour or two of grocery shopping WITHOUT HELP! If your placement is too old for a babysitter, a sort of mentor-ship or “godparent” relationship could be in order. They could spend time cooking or playing a sport or learning a trade together. I’m not above asking a friend to take my bio kids on a one-on-one date so they can refill their buckets, too. What if you even let a friend hang at your place for dinner & a movie with the fam and you stole a date night with the hubs!? *Gasp!* Put these kind folks on your respite caregivers list and refill your bucket before you reach dire straights.

3. “My stockpile is dwindling”
Foster or expecting parents often have the any-minute-a-kid-could-come-and-I-want-to-be-ready stash. At the last minute, you know the age & gender & hopefully most of the needs of your kiddo, but generally speaking I can always use a refill of toothbrushes, shampoo, Tylenol, water bottles/sippy cups, soft blankets, pre-packaged snacks, and miscellaneous clothes & shoes. These are tiny comforts I want to offer a child as a introductory peace-offering of sorts. If a kid can find some small sense of security just from having their own necessities right away, I want to bring it! Don’t hesitate to ask for these trivial purchases or more specific items if you can. I bet a friend wouldn’t think twice of grabbing a few extras next time they’re out and it will save you a midnight run!

4. “My family needs two of me, think you could be a clone?” or quite possibly: “Don’t leave me alone!”
There are plenty of days any parent feels isolated and half-crazed from overwhelming tasks and limited hours in the day. “Why do all of my kids need to talk all day and then still want stories at bedtime?” All the while the toilet is plugged and the sink is overflowing and by the way, “Kids, we’re having Pajama Day tomorrow since 2/3’s of you don’t have any clothes left.” (Let’s not even question why my darling boy hasn’t run out of underwear yet… or EVER.) How about some community in this moment!? How much could it hurt to have a friend wash dishes WITH you and then fold laundry. And what if we cooked dinner together or even ate together in the midst of our crazy? Honestly, the odds are that this friend wants to love you well but is feeling their own version of “half-baked” at the same time. Let’s DO life together!!

5. “I need encouragement.”
This may be the hardest one! Who wants to admit that they can’t do it all? It’s so hard to confess to someone that you may want to quit loving because it hurts or that you can’t face one more tantrum and come out the winner. PLEASE use this response with A FEW (more than one!) trusted friends/family members! You need someone who will see you crying in the back row at church and deliver a Venti Latte with a hug the next day! You need someone who will send a love note via snail mail that gets lost and finally arrives on JUST the day you need a pick-me-up. WE ALL need calls and texts saying we are being prayed over and believed in without prompting. We need to know our arms are being lifted when we can’t hold them up a moment longer.

Soooooo… You’re probably thinking of someone who’s asked this exact question recently. Go back and get them. Let them help! Really & truly. You’re allowing them the blessing of being a part of something miraculous and fulfilling in a way they maybe never would have been able to. Not everyone is able to welcome a precious child into their family right now but everyone IS called to love the orphan and the widow in their own way (James 1:27).

I have another fun game: Treasure Hunting! This is a fun way to activate your “holy imagination” or the mental pictures that God speaks with. It could take a few minutes or a few hours for the whole exercise, so make sure you have a little extra time or some leeway in your schedule to stop if you find your treasure.

Start off by asking God for a picture of something in your mind. Sometimes a description is just as good: an orange rock, a red raincoat, a certain intersection on your drive to work. Ask for more details to be sure you’re not looking for just any old rock or tree or person. Imagine it, then ask God for a message. This may seem more difficult, but if you saw a tall woman in a red raincoat, then what would God want to say to that person? If you imagined that busy street corner downtown, what would God want you to pray for in that place? If you saw a pair of earrings, who made them or who would God want you to gift them to and why?

Next, put it on paper! The picture/description AND the message. (The very best part is when you come back after your treasure hunt and see how specific God is!!)

Now you get to hunt. Go throughout your day or head out on the adventure (this is so fun with a friend!) and keep and eye out for that person/thing/place you saw in your mind. When you find it, act on it!

The rest is up to God. Don’t expect to have the opportunity to share the Romans’ Road every time you find a treasured person and you don’t have to have an earth shattering revelation every time you pray in a new place. You are hearing God and discovering His treasure. That’s enough. Be prepared for the miraculous, of course, but know that just aligning your mind with that of Christ is the gift of a treasure hunt.

{ Introverts!! Here is your pep talk: You’ve got guts, this is not scary. You are brave. Speak that truth to someone, give them the note, pray in that place, give the gift. Nothing bad can come of this: You are delivering God’s love to that treasure. How amazing to be God’s hands and feet! }

Need a few more simple game ideas? Write down a word or verse for each day of the week or month of the year and check in on occasion to see if God is speaking something in your heart that lines up with that word. Ask God for a word for each of your neighbors or a few of your friends. Now pray about that word in their lives. A fun follow up to this is calling those peeps and asking “Hey, what’s God doing in your life lately?” *wink*wink* Sometimes I’ll color or doodle words while I pray and send the picture to whomever I’m praying for. This is also amazing to do if you’ve got kiddos. My kids and I will pray & color together then mail out a whole packet of prayer drawings to someone. It’s like a rainbow-crayon-bomb of God’s love!

**True story: One time we all ended up drawing birds of some sort and writing something about flying and freedom. Crazy enough the person we sent the pictures to called right when she got them and said she had a dream the night before about God releasing a cage full of doves! The combination really affirmed what God was teaching her about being a voice of freedom to people who were enslaved by fear. How incredible to call out a person’s true identity in Christ!!**

So the whole idea of playing games with God is to learn how to hear God’s voice more clearly. I want to press in and learn what His heart is saying and what His hands are doing, don’t you? We want to join Him in building His Kingdom on Earth and the more frequently we listen, the more easily we hear Him, and the more we’ll be on the same page with Him! Guys, I have so many more games, I could write forever but I know this is a stolen moment where you get a break from the daily crazy to read and breathe, so I’ll keep it short. Honestly the sky is the limit!

Use your holy imagination and run wild!!