Author: Megan

Boy, do I have a beautiful moment to share with you. It’s kind of a bonus. I shared a lot of Natalii’s story here but there is so much more to her story!!  A piece I’d like to share with you is when and how I first met Natalii.  Man, hold on, it’s goooooood.

So to rewind a second, let me set the scene: Collin and I were in Africa for the very first time. We were NOT expecting to adopt internationally and this little man ran by me and I realized I had been having dreams of his very face for years…YEARS! So we asked the other kids about him and no one knew how old he was or where he was from. What we learned was that he was quite reserved at the orphanage and that although he had lived there for several years, he had not learned the national language (French) which all the staff and children speak. He still spoke his tribal language, Fon. I believe the exact words that were told to us were “Oh, he does not speak. All he knows is ‘Come to eat’!” (He was more Schuiteboer than we realized! We, Schuiteboers are not afraid of food.)

When we asked our friend Patrice about him, she said Elisee’s grandmother had brought him and an older brother to the orphanage almost 3 years before because she could not afford to feed them. Patrice hadn’t seen the grandmother since then, but was willing to call her to ask about adoption. The grandmother of Elisee and his brother Jeret, came the very next day to meet us. She agreed to sign any paper to adopt her grandson to us. This was a shock since it is not common practice to adopt in general, in Benin.  We asked questions about Elisee’s parents and she covered her face each time, sighed a lot and said “They are dead.”

Altogether, it was an interesting meeting since each person had to be translated and the grandmother’s words said she was so willing to help but her body language was so closed. We were left with many questions and a huge to-do list to get the adoption going. After our meeting, Elisee was brought in to meet his Grandmother. There was no recognition, but only curiosity in him. He was intrigued by her. Patrice, explained what we were discussing and in her blunt African way, turned him to look at her and asked “Who would you like to be your mother?” He giggled, looked shyly at me and pointed. (Thank goodness she spoke in Fon, because I would not have been able to handle that question in that moment!)

Immediately, we set out to find all the necessary papers to begin an adoption. First and foremost was to prove Elisee was indeed an orphan – we needed death certificates of both parents. His father’s was easy to find with the help of Janice, but his mother’s could not be found. There was no record of her death. Patrice took a day to go into Natalii’s village and ask questions and it was there she found out Natalii was not dead but alive!  After questioning the grandmother further, her response was “She is dead to me!” (Ahem…. Different kinds of “dead” wouldn’t you say?) And so it was that Natalii was sent money for travel and food to make the day’s journey to us.

I have been blessed to see such a momentous occasion! Sweet, humble Natalii, who hadn’t seen or heard of her own young boys in over 3 years was able to come and kiss their faces. She entered our story with such humility and gentleness.  Tiny Ruth (Elisee’s sister!!) was tied on her back while she rode the moto (motorcycle)  into town. Her unkempt hair was covered with a hat and she wore what I’m sure was her only and most valuable possession, her good cloths. Her nails had been carefully painted at one time but were worn and chipped. The anxiety in her heart must have been real, but her face was full of peace and hope.

Natalii didn’t shout or smother the boys in kisses as I would have imagined, but the pride in her eyes when she saw those boys was unmatched.  Her eyes fell on each one with a mother’s gaze of knowing so much more than meets the eye. I bet she could see their Daddy in them. They were so much bigger than when she saw them last, and they were happy and well fed.  Both boys are strong and full of Jesus. It was obvious to Natalii that they had been loved in her absence.  Jeret recognized both her and Janice right away. He spoke to them in his confident, firstborn way. Elisee, on the other hand, was quite taken with his little sister Ruth. He grabbed her hand and held on tight as he dragged her around with him. Her cherub face adored him in return. He giggled and showed her off to his friends and they chattered away in their own language.

I wonder if Natalii cried herself to sleep that night. Perhaps with relief and perhaps with sadness?  Had she been wondering where her boys were? I don’t know if she knew they were even alive or whether or not they were still with their grandmother. Had she been worrying over them or laying them before the throne of grace begging for their futures? Could she possibly allow one son to leave Africa and become part of another family and culture? To travel across the ocean possibly never to return? Did Natalii trust her Papa God to keep her children safe for her?  No matter the answers to these questions, I praise God that I got to be the instigator of their reunion! Part of me wanted to stay and experience it all with Natalii. I have cried out in prayer on behalf of this woman and her son for years without knowing.  I was privileged to see them together again! Part of me wanted to take everyone away so they could be alone – be a family even for just a few minutes. ALL of me wanted to search the whole earth and find whatever was necessary to make a way for them to live together as a family forever… But Natalii was married. Her new husband was the head of his household and he said “No”to another man’s children.

Blended families are a unique and beautiful piece of American culture. I don’t underestimate the difficulties that come with blending children, spouses, traditions, and disciplines. It is not for the faint of heart. Families with a willingness to work hard and continue loving against every odd are simply inspiring! In Benin, and many other places around the world, it is not so. Natalii’s new husband would not stand for the boys to come home with Natalii. They were not his.  (Praise God that somehow Ruth was miraculously welcomed safely in his home.) And Natalii wanted the very best for Elisee, no matter the cost to herself. She was willing to help us with the adoption and signed every single document. She agreed that we could take him to America and she knew he would no longer be hers. A consent, I cannot even imagine! And we were on our way, another step closer to getting our boy home.

Elisee has a beautiful biological mother.  She has a gorgeous smile that lights up her whole face, just like our Elisee’s, but her inward beauty is so much more!  Her character is strong enough to face adversity and keep that amazing smile.  She is truly beautiful in every sense of the word. And her incredible story cannot be kept a secret. (For her own security we’ve named her Natalii.)

Natalii married her childhood friend when she was 14. They had grown up in the same village their whole lives. This village is a dark place spiritually, I’m afraid. It is the birthplace of voodoo. Benin is proud of its’ long history of voodoo, claiming it is the country of origin for this religion. Museums spell out picture for picture how Benin so graciously influenced other parts of the world with it’s belief. The people are so proud of the heritage!

The village of Elisee’s parents is at the very center of it all. The chief of the village says no one from their people have ever left the country because of the sacrifices their ancestors made during the slave trade to keep their families “safe” (in Africa). The gods of voodoo are keeping them safe still. (And I wonder why I can’t get Elisee to the US?)

Well, Natalii’s father was a pastor. (Which can mean a lot of things in Africa, but basically he loved Jesus at some point and preached something along that line. I wish I knew more about him!)  Natalii, therefore, has ancestry from both voodoo and Christianty- this lays a tumultuous path for a woman in Africa. Women do not have rights in many areas of life in Benin and her destiny has never been her own.

Natalii did, however, get to marry her friend who was her own age and they started a family.  First was Jeret, he is a strapping boy who is rough and tumble and will not be the underdog no matter which way the lines are drawn. He’s tough as nails and wild as a stallion. He was favored much by his only living grandmother (his father’s mom) and she claims him as her own. When asked who his mother is in a lineup of family members, Jeret pointed to his grandmother and smiled that knowing smile with her, “She is mine. That one is Elisee’s.” Next to the grandmother in this lineup was Natalii. Natalii has a tenderness toward Elisee as if he was her youngest, her baby.

Elisee was the second son of his father and quickly followed by baby #3: a sweet-natured girl named Ruth. When Jeret had turned 3 and Elisee was almost 2, their father had pains in his stomach.  It lasted for days with increasing intensity and he was taken to the hospital. He was given medicine for the pain and sent home only to pass away immediately after returning. The western-minded assumption is appendicitis. He was gone and Natalii was left behind. Her mother-in-law (who practices voodoo devoutly) believed the common superstitions and blamed Natalii. She had “killed” her own husband and she was no longer welcome in their village. She was sent to distant relations in another village with her nursing baby while the boys were taken from her for the grandmother to keep. “It wasn’t their fault, after all, that their mother was a murderer.”

Now Natalii has this beautiful humility about her. In this moment, she had no rights to argue or stand up against her mother-in-law, but the level of grace and dignity she holds even after experiencing this travesty of “justice” is insane. Even years later when I got to spend time with Natalii, she was kind and gracious towards “that woman” (as I call her in my own head).  Natalii was sent to her relatives with an infant and no way to protect her. She had no resources, connections nor a single possession of her own. She was “worthless” in the eyes of her culture. Even her reputation was slandered by the words of her own kin- “a murderer”. Who would care for her now? What were her hopes of a future and a family?

Natalii was introduced to a new village without a friend or an ounce of pride.  Her hopes and dreams were lost, but she pressed on. She came to befriend a man who was sick. He was dying and needed a caregiver and so they were wed.  I don’t know what love there might have been between them, but her good fortune was short-lived.  He provided for her basic needs while she cared for him but money was not plentiful and when he was gone, so was her provision. Now she is marked. In voodoo it is believed that she has been the death of 2 husbands, she is not likely to marry ever again. She is an outcast. It was at this time that she also gave birth to a fourth child- another son. Once again homeless, penniless, and with two young babes in her care, Natalii’s only hope was to return to her first mother-in-law who had cast her out and slandered her name.  The woman who had taken what was left of her youth and every last shred of aspiration.

Now the grandmother… That woman… She had two tiny boys in her home and under her care.  Unfortunately, she had also lost significance in the eyes of the village. Her son was her breadwinner. He was her hope and her source of sustenance. Without him, she also had nothing. With no income and no work, how could she feed the babes she had stolen? She couldn’t. And so, not long after sending Natalii on her way, the grandmother took the boys to the only orphanage in southern Benin, perhaps in all of Benin. They traveled 4+ hours southwest to Exodus House Orphanage and she left the two boys on the doorstep of the gracious and Jesus-loving Patrice. Praise the Lord. They were welcome, they were safe. Both boys were cared for and given the basic necessities for life, education, and friendship for the next 4 years before we had the privilege of meeting them.

And so it came to be that Natalii was living with the granmother when we returned to Africa for our Elisee.  They were two women bound together by kinship but with nothing in common. They share nothing and everything at once and there is no love or joy in their communion.

God has a future for Natalii. As I think of her difficult life and pray for her and the tiny ones she holds dear, I feel God’s heart for her in Isaiah 47:

“But you {Natalii} are my servant.

You’re Jacob, my first choice, descendant of my good friend Abraham…

I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you. Don’t panic, I’m with you.

There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.

I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.

I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”

She has not been forgotten by the one who holds her heart.  Natalii can smile that beautiful smile because she has Jesus. He is enough. He is her strength and her song. And because of God’s work in Elisee’s life, we had the privilege of meeting her. We have prayed for her and her children and all of their futures for a year and a half now.  Our friend Patrice has taken her in as a friend to encourage, speak life and give gifts to. This year on our last day in Benin, we were sent money for some “impromptu” paperwork and the sender felt led to double the amount. That same day we met with Patrice to see if there was a way to bless Natalii with it, was there a business she could possibly start  for this amount and keep it running while being a mom? Could she become her own provider and no longer be at the whim of her mother-in-law? YES! It was Natalii’s own idea to use the money to drive into the Bush (the African countryside) and buy beans and rice to sell in the market.  Her travels would not be frequent and she had enough money to take a car instead of a “moto” (motorcycle) and the two young children could come with her. They could stay with her in the market while she sold each day and the work would not be too much for her to bear.  God is good. He has provided where there seemed to be no way. She is his favorite, His first choice and He has a firm grip on her. She is not lost. I can’t wait to return to Africa to see her smile and drink tea in her house. I can’t wait to see what God uses her to redeem in her village and what He does through her children!