How we can hope when we’re not sure dreams really do come true

In case you’ve noticed, it’s true, I haven’t talked much about our little Mya. The truth is, love is hard.  There are days I have to work at loving this little lady. As with all children, she has her days; the ups & downs and ons & offs, the highs & lows- oh my! She is a girl of extremes sometimes.  So rest assured, I have not forgotten the littlest Schuiteboer, she is just in progress; and that is the most difficult of all things to share. Our Mya has so many stories and miracles to share and I fall more in love with her every day. And so finally, I have A Mya Story

My dream since I was a mere ten years old has been to adopt. It’s a lovely picture really. There are children all over our country and the world needing a family and a home and safety and love. I wanted to be that. I wanted to fill that need. Like so many other admirable persons, I wanted to change the world for just one… at a time. I wanted to make a difference and I still do!

The problem with a dream is this: It takes guts to reach it! AND it isn’t always dreamy. A dream doesn’t feel so dreamy when you’re ALMOST there. It’s not even dreamy when you finally “arrive.” Up close the reality of the dream can see pretty terrible even.  About 3 months after Mya came to us, I had such a moment. She was not doing well with the adjustment to a new family, our “honeymoon” period had passed. Mya was in no way attached to any of us, yet she demanded full attention at all times. She cried, screamed, hit other kids and threw things and NEVER SLEPT. I found myself looking at her with glazed eyes and thinking “This is it? This is that dream I’ve waited my whole life for?”

It seems obvious, I suppose, that to win a child back from an orphaned or abandoned spirit takes a lot of hard work and diligence, and certainly poor behavior and sleep issues should be expected. Of course I knew that, but  I’m afraid in that moment and with no reprieve in sight, I was hopeless. This was NOT, in fact, what I wanted! I did not want to fight ENDLESSLY to see joy in her little face. I did not want to guess wrong EVERY time as to her current need or comfort. I did not want her to feel like someone else’s child forever.  I was a puddle on the floor after three months, how many more years would this “season” last?

Then, of course there is progress. Moving forward. Leaving the old behind… Is that even possible? So many days we have celebrated one small victory; a 10 hour stretch at night, a smile after breakfast, a timeout without endless screeching, a giggle or a hug. Yay for victory! We feel so accomplished, we share with the whole family and jump for joy only to be brought down the next day. Not only have we lost this new skill or advancement but we’ve also lost everything else we’ve gained in the last 6 months! Aaaaaand she’s a one year old again refusing to speak or walk or sleep and she wants to be held while she’s crying. How can a dream be celebrated when it doesn’t seem like a dream anymore?

I know you feel it too. How can I celebrate victory over cancer when I may face it AGAIN? How can I celebrate a birthday when my child is STILL sick another year later? How can I celebrate God’s goodness when I see and feel so much pain?

I was worshiping at church just this morning and God showed me the change in seasons outside is just like the change in seasons for Mya and I. We have gone through a cool and unpredictable fall, and goodness, the intensity of winter was long! Now we are entering Spring. Just like in Michigan, we have to fight for spring. It does not come easily. New life and growth, hope and sunshine are just around the corner. Ugly and past-it’s-welcome Winter does it’s best to reappear, but I will fight for spring. I know Summer is on it’s way and I cling to that hope. I will not rest until I feel it’s warmth and breathe in it’s promises. Beach days and splashing in the sprinkler, climbing trees and sipping lemonade, open windows and fresh backyard produce: there is hope! I will embrace you once again. But in springtime I hold to the promise of a warm rain shower and daffodils poking up though the snow. It tells me there will come a day when everything will be green and the snow will finally stay gone. The dreary clouds WILL leave and the sun WILL come out.

Mya and I WILL play pretend someday and she WILL sleep at night every night. Her laugh WILL be sweet and silly and my tears will be of joy. I know the promise of a grown up, compassionate and caring little lady WILL come to fruition. She WILL be a sunflower turning her  face to Jesus and following His light day and night. I know she will do big things for the Kingdom and this fight we’re in IS worth it.

Can you look for a Springtime promise in the midst of your season?  Is there hope peaking through for you also?  My God is a God of dreams come true and I promise He has hope for your dreams!!

2015 Schuiteboer kidsShe may not be grinning, but she’s just as silly as the rest of us!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s