Someone is about to turn double digits and it has me reflecting on the past year. We’ve had some beautiful milestones in this tenth year and I’m so thankful that our family has patiently waited for each one. The wait makes each moment so much more beautiful and worth celebrating!
A moment that will forever stand out in my brain is one night at bedtime when I gave my youngest the usual hug and kiss. I lingered just a moment in that hug and I heard a little whisper “Mom, am I supposed to hug & kiss you back?”
It occurred to me that I have been hugging and kissing this little lady whom I love so dearly without reciprocation for 9 years. I flashed back in my memory to another child of mine as a baby holding onto my arm while I held them and my super affectionate kiddo hugging me at school in front of friends. I could picture a thousand nighttime snuggles and hugs but not a single one that I have received from this child.
She receives my hugs and I am thankful for that. I don’t take it for granted because I know that kids who have had many caregivers early on in life struggle with affection and attachment. But I also know the stiffness of a one-sided hug and the little shove after an unwanted kiss. I laugh it off and pretend to go in for another one, but I know she’s actually processing the affection and deciding if she even wants it. I want her to know how fiercely loved she is but I don’t want to push her away with the muchness of it.
After her bedtime question, I began to pray for affection to break through in her heart. I assured her that it was her choice if she wanted to give hugs and kisses just like it was her choice if she wanted to receive them. We talked about how families show affection and why. So many things that naturally occur in a healthy biological family needed to be discovered and pondered in my daughter’s brain.
After a few weeks of her pondering and me praying, I noticed her hand giving me a back scratch when I gave my bedtime hug. Then a quick return squeeze when she got home from school. I saw affection grow like a fern slowly unrolling and awakening into a wild and luscious green leaf that then spreads across the forest floor. Soon she was picking up a baby doll and tucking it into bed. Now I see her asking to hold hands with my dad and reaching out to her dad and I as we tuck her in at night. She’s not just allowing my affection, she’s craving it and fully returning the love our whole family has been offering for almost a decade.
This milestone is a miracle in my book, and I’m praising God for answered prayer no matter how long it seems to take. It’s worth the wait!
Tonight I tucked her back in after a midnight bathroom trip. I hugged and kissed her and whispered in her ear “I love you.” I tiptoed to the door and as I started to pull it closed behind me I heard the smallest “I love you, Mom” whispered back.
BREATHE 